[NTLUG:Discuss] [Fwd: Fw: Abbott and Costello on computers]

[Tom Hayden]

    If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their
     infamous sketch, "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like
     this:

         COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM
     ABBOTT

         ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

         COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den
     and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
         ABBOTT: Mac?
         COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
         ABBOTT: Your computer?
         COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

         ABBOTT: Mac?
         COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
         ABBOTT: What about Windows?
         COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

         ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

         COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at
     the windows?
         ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
         COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer
     and software.
         ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
         COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can
     use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you
     have?
         ABBOTT: Office.
         COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend
     anything?
         ABBOTT: I just did.
         COSTELLO: You just did what?
         ABBOTT: Recommend something.

         COSTELLO: You recommended something?

         ABBOTT: Yes.
         COSTELLO: For my office?
         ABBOTT: Yes.
         COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

         ABBOTT: Office.
         COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
         ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

         COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK,
     let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a
proposal. What
     do I need?
         ABBOTT: Word.
         COSTELLO: What word?
         ABBOTT: Word in Office.
         COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
         ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

         COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

         ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

         COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't
     start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch
movies on
     the Internet?
         ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
         COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I
     watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I
need!
         ABBOTT: Real One.
         COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels
     2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?
         ABBOTT: Of course.
         COSTELLO: Great! With what?
         ABBOTT: Real One.
         COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a
     movie. What do I do?
         ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
         COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
         ABBOTT: The blue "1".
         STELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
         ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is
     Word.
         COSTELLO: What word?
         ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

         COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for
     windows"!
         ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in
     the world.
         COSTELLO: It is?
         ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other
     Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out
there.

         COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
         ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real
     One isn't even part of Office.
         COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about
     financial book-keeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

         ABBOTT: Money.
         COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

         ABBOTT: Money.
         COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

         ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

         COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

         ABBOTT: Money.
         COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

         ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
         COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer?
     How much?
         ABBOTT: One copy.
         COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
         ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

         COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

         ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!


         (A few days later)

         ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

         COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

         ABBOTT: Click on "START".......


-- 
Tom Hayden III

Coherent solutions for chaotic situations

tom.hayden.iii at mail.airmail.net
214-435-4174

1531 San Antone ln.
Lewisville Texas 75077